March 23, 2010

Vacation, all I ever wanted

From an unnamed university in the greater San Francisco Bay Area...

My officemate always tells me not to check my email when I'm away from the office, but I always do it against my better judgment. 99% of the time, there is nothing that can't wait until I'm back in the office. And when there is an emergency, my time off is spoiled because I'm emailing/on the phone trying to solve whatever problem has arisen in my absence.

Today, when I checked my email, there were no unforseen problems, just run of the mill type inquiries that can definitely wait until I'm back, but my day is nonetheless spoiled by an email from a denied applicant's father, calling me a racist.

Apparently, there is no way his son could have been denied admission to our program unless there was a clerical error or blatant discrimination going on, and either way, that's my fault. He points out that his son got admitted to a program that is, in his eyes, superior to ours, proving once and for all that his son is perfect and we are jerks.

So though I am drafting a polite and professional response to send back, I will write to you what I would really like to say to this man.

Dear Mr. Jackass,

Your son is now considered an adult in the eyes of the US government, our university, and people who can sell pornography, if not alcohol. It is no longer appropriate to write letters on his behalf. I know you think your son is a beauitful and unique snowflake, but the truth is he's just not good enough for us. I'm glad he's good enough for other programs and I hope he does great there, because we took a nice, long look at his qualifications compared to those of other applicants and decided we didn't want him. Deal with it.

And finally, I don't actually think that you think we're racists, but instead think that you're trying to scare me into offering your son admission into program lest you decide to sue or otherwise "expose" us for our discriminatory practices, but the joke's on you asshole because Prop 209 doesn't allow us to take race into consideration when making admissions decisions. You say you hope we make our decisions based solely upon qualifications, well we do, and that's what kept your son from getting admitted. Sorry.

Get over yourself,

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