Darndest things

From an unnamed university in the greater San Francisco Bay Area...

My officemate has two kids. They're both girls, aged 5 and 1. The one-year-old is just generally adorable in the way that babies are, but the five-year-old is, in my mom's words, "a pistol." She is precocious and hilarious and one of my favorite kids ever.

At a New Year's Brunch at our boss's house, she overhead someone talking about New Year's Resolutions and asked me what they were. I explained them to her and asked if she could think of any for herself. She said, "No....but I can think of some for you!" Here they are:

1. Don't drink so much beer (Full disclosure: I was drinking a beer at the time she said this. It was not yet noon.)
2. Eat healthy foods.
3. Don't fill up on beer so that you can't eat healthy foods.
4. Don't be nasty.
5. Don't say no, say no thank you.

Genius, no? So on Sunday at our office social gathering thing, my officemate's husband came with the kids for a little while and the older daughter came over to where I was sitting and wanted to play with my iPhone. The following conversation resulted:

Child: Can I send an email to my mom?
S: Sure.
Child: Can I send an email to a stranger?
S: I don't know....
Child: Do you know any strangers?
S: Well if I know them, they're not strangers. But I guess they would be strangers to you. Does that make sense?
......long pause.....
Child: Just drink your beer.