February 25, 2010

There's No "I" in "Day Off"

From an unnamed production office for an undisclosed television show in an address-withheld building in LA where the elevators are shockingly slow...

Today I have the day off. Sounds great, right? But for me, I'm the kind of girl who just cannot leave my work at the office, ya know? Here are the seven workday tasks that I commit to doing even while taking a day at home:

1) Dozing

2) Answering the phone

3) Closing my eyes for just a sec

4) Pretending I don't know how to do something I actually do know how to do because I really don't want to do it and think I can get someone else to

5) Trying to goad people into talking about someone who is doing a worse job than me

6) Wondering how it is that I got to this place in my career, and looking around, trying to figure out if everyone else is as miserable as me, and if they are- how they tolerate it while maintaining a modicum of kindness towards the people they have to share this cruel and punishing planet with, and if not- how they got enough health insurance to finance all those happy, happy pills

7) Ordering Baja Fresh for pick up

FACED!book

From an unnamed university in the greater San Francisco Bay Area...

One thing K and I love to do, at work or not, is make fun of people who put stupid stuff on their Facebook. Our friend from college recommends "a little more filter; a little less self-aggrandizing" to the general Facebook community, and we couldn't agree more.

In the interest of maintaining our friendships, I'm not going site anything or anyone specifically, but instead list my top 5 pet peeves and encourage K to do the same. Eventually, I'd like to create a Facebook Ten Commandments, because I'm so like Moses in many other ways.

Anyway, Top 5 Things That Bug Me the Most on Facebook:

1. Mentions of the day of the week and associated emotions, ie weekends good, Mondays bad. We all like the weekend people. We all look forward to it, and it always goes by too quickly. And furthermore, we're all pretty good at keeping track of the day of the week, so let's maybe chill out on the "It's Fridayyyyyyyy!" messages. Tell me what day it is in the lunar year or something.

2. Comments about the weather. You like the sun? You don't like snow? I am shocked.

3. Self-deprecating comments that are thinly-veiled bragging. Calling yourself a nerd for staying in on a Friday night to watch foreign films fools no one. You are very pleased with what an intellectual person of culture you are.

4. Notifications of death. Whether they're relatively expected (sick grandparent) or completely out of the blue (car accident), Facebook is not the place to grieve and out of respect for the dead, don't announce it to every person you've ever met.

5. Constant updates of mundane activities. Get a fucking Twitter already.

Pop goes the bubble wrap, part deux

From an unnamed university in the greater San Francisco Bay Area...

They stepped on it, then called us retarded. This is NOT the way it worked on Salute Your Shorts.

February 24, 2010

Dreamponies

Okay this has nothing to do with our jobs, but seriously, wtf?

Playing doctor

From an unnamed university in the greater San Francisco Bay Area...


Here's what I made two of my students watch with me today:




"There is nothing wrong with being into a man whose operating jacket turns into a tuxedo."

Shame on, game on


From an unnamed production office for an undisclosed television show in an address-withheld building in LA where the elevators are shockingly slow...

Over the past year or so, I've come to pretty seriously enjoy finding the funny results of switching the first letters of two-word phrases- like saying that I'm winking driskey when I'm drinking whiskey, or lying low when I'm... Anyway- Obviously switching the D and the J of the Doodle Jump app that I bought for my iPhone is a real satisfying find in that game. Also satisfying is sitting down and learning how to really block out any distractions- like e-mails from my boss, or the loudly ticking clock counting my years of workplace stagnancy- and freaking killing it with a new high score. Shazam.

Photo Slop



From an unnamed production office for an undisclosed television show in an address-withheld building in LA where the elevators are shockingly slow...

Jake The Bachelor was in a magazine! And he's a man! But I- immediately after arriving 15 minutes late and completely unprepared to contribute to the staff meeting already in progress- made him look like a woman! With a tramp stamp! ...Is it lunch yet?

Pop goes the bubble wrap

From an unnamed university in the greater San Francisco Bay Area...

In an effort to make work more like summer camp, my office mate and I have tried to pull a variety of pranks on the guys in the office next to us. Because of the relationship of our office space to theirs, they frequently treat our office as a hallway. Normally, we're okay with this, but sometimes we feel that they forget that first and foremost, our office is a workspace. (Truth be told, we forget this, too.) To teach them a lesson, we decided to hide bubble wrap under our area rug. (See figure above.) We hope that when they unknowingly step on said wrap, they will be shocked and awed by the sounds emitted beneath their feet and tread more lightly in the future.

I'll let you know what develops.

February 23, 2010

Oh, balls


From an unnamed production office for an undisclosed television show in an address-withheld building in LA where the elevators are shockingly slow...

Partook in a three person competition to putt a golf ball into a cardboard tube as held in place by the office stuffed monkey, Captain Bananas. I did not win.

February 22, 2010

I scream, you scream... It's because I left out the stupid cake


From an unnamed production office for an undisclosed television show in an address-withheld building in LA where the elevators are shockingly slow...

Today, instead of preparing for my staff-wide meeting, I was asked to take thirty minutes to go to Ralph’s to get this ice cream cake for my coworker. Whose birthday was yesterday. And who may or may not be lactose intolerant. Then I left the cake on a filing cabinet. For a few hours. It was, again, an ice cream cake.