May 13, 2010

Spice Girl

From an unnamed university in the greater San Francisco Bay Area...

Tears are streaming down my face. I am breathing heavily. I am not embarrassed to say my chin and a decent part of my shirt are covered in my own snot. Did a family member die? Did my boyfriend break up with me? Did they stop showing free reruns of The Gilmore Girls online?

No, none of these things happened. I am not sad at all. I just ate some of Officemate's homemade curry with soba noodles and holy shizz it is the SPICIEST THING I'VE EVER TASTED. Oh my good lord it is spicy. My body is rejecting it.

Granted, I do not have the highest tolerance for spicy foods. My boyfriend loves to watch me eat any kind of mildly spiced food, say something like "wow, that has kick!" (because apparently eating spicy food turns me into my mother) and then quickly gulp down all of my water (okay, beer) while he orders the 5 chili-pepper version and doesn't bat an eyelash.

But this was a whole new level. The first bite was tasty. The second bite was too. I never got to the third bite because by then my throat closed up and I was coughing and my nose and eyes started spewing liquid in a way they probably haven't done since my infancy. I pounded all the water left in my reusable water bottle (Bay Area lives green, y'all) and raced out of the room to get more, coughing and sneezing all the way.

What's odd about this was that not one person in my office said anything about it. Not "are you okay?" or even "what the hell are you doing?" I can't decide if that means they don't care about my safety or have hearing problems, or if I have so many spastic freakouts that they no longer register with the people around me. I'm sad to admit I bet it's the former.

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