May 26, 2010

Sound Mind in a Sound Body

From an unnamed university in the greater San Francisco Bay Area...

Officemate just came from the dentist and is in a cheery mood. She loves her dentist. She loves her hygienist. Apparently, no one in her office ever chastises her for not flossing, even though she does not floss. This is a revelation to me. I, too, do not floss, though I often go through spurts of flossing, often when I have a dental appointment coming up, because I know my hygienist will give me shit about it when I get there. This floored Officemate.

"They can't chastise you; it's your mouth. If you took perfect care of your teeth all the time, their jobs wouldn't exist."

That's right, snooty hygienists! You livelihood depends on people fucking up their teeth so leave me the hell alone. I'm always trying to eat better, I exercise regularly, I'm recycling and composting as best I can, something has to fall by the wayside. I've been told that genetics don't really have my back when it comes to oral health: I apparently have weak enamel and my teeth are very close together, a perfect storm of flaws for cavities. That being said, I have an electric toothbrush and I rinse with Listerine (well, Target brand Listerine). I don't drink soda or eat hard, chewy candies. I could be doing worse.

Come to think of it, my eye doctor's gotten my case for stuff too. Not just sleeping with my contacts in, which I've done for 15 years with no real consequences as far as I can find, but once he told me I looked too tan. My annual appointments are in August; when I am probably at my tannest, and I am also of Croatian descent and am naturally darker and tan more easily than my Scandinavian/Western European counterparts. I didn't tell him that he looked too fat when I saw them, though he totally did.

Reader(s), do your doctors get on your case for stuff? If so, what? And remember Officemate's words: it's your body, get them to leave you the hell alone. I'm not advocating for heavy smoking and unprotected sex here, but I don't think anyone, including doctors, can lead the Spartan existence apparently necessary for perfect health. Wake up, eat fruit, lather self with sunscreen, run, have balanced meal, brush and floss, meditate, hydrate, farm own vegetables....oooh! Officemate just said there's cupcakes in the staff fridge! Later, fools!

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