Pizza My Broken Heart

From an unnamed production office for an undisclosed television show in an address-withheld building in LA where the elevators are shockingly slow...

Last night, as so many of us do, I stayed at work two hours later than usual in anticipation of the arrival of one Eminem.  Yes, that Eminem.  That "Eight Mile" Slim Shady Eminem who was scheduled to shoot something for our show.  And- as is so often the case when you find yourself sitting on the floor because someone in the art department took away the only couch there was in the common area, waiting for Eminem, eating your third piece of extra greasy pizza because you were so hungry from being at work past your dinner time that you ate the first two slices too quickly to realize that they had actually made you beyond full- he didn't show.  Typical.  The big boss sent out an e-mail to the whole staff saying that Eminem apologized to the star of our show- who was not in the building or affected by the wait- and would be calling the star of our show- who, again, was not in the building eating pizza on the floor for lack of a couch- to apologize personally.  When the e-mail came in, I dusted myself off (no, literally, that floor is gross) and set to putting the leftover pizza away in the fridge.  There was the small but meaningful consolation that I would get to have free pizza for lunch the next day (today), and that I seemed nice for offering to be the one to put it away when really I was just keeping close tabs on it so that I could stake my claim for the pieces I wanted.

So imagine my absolute devastation when I, after not packing a lunch for myself, and with great pizza hope it my heart, arrived to find that someone had taken the ENTIRE box of assorted leftover pizza slices.  Someone went into the refrigerator in the break room between 9 o'clock last night and 10 o'clock this morning and thought to themselves, "Oh look- Here's an entire pizza that I didn't pay for that's been carefully saved.  I should probably take the whole thing and make sure that whomever it belongs to doesn't get any."  Who would do this?  What adult would steal a whole pizza from his or her own place of business?  Why didn't I do it myself?!