Back to the Blech

From an unnamed production office for an undisclosed television show in an address-withheld building in LA where the elevators are shockingly slow...

 
Today was my first day back at work after a week and a day away.  The week and the day were as glorious as you might imagine when I tell you that they were really glorious, and the return was as miserable as you might imagine when I tell you to read any blog post I've ever posted.  I tried to think of a good metaphor for how my vacation was like work... The obnoxiously persistent mosquitoes as my immediate boss, the constant threat of sunburn as her frightening wrath.  When I reached the point, though, of suggesting something about the dead tarantula I saw on the ground outside a Belizean cave being like my hopes and dreams it seemed the metaphor was getting too thin.  Or depressing.  Either way.

So, after wishing unsuccessfully that I forgot how to get to my office and could call in lost and get everyone worried that I had gone totally loopy a la Kelly Bensimon on Real Housewives which I caught up on after too long away, I made it to work this morning and checked my work e-mail for the first time to find that our network celebrated a big anniversary during the week that my coworkers and I were away.  In the spirit of celebration, each day there was some treat for everyone in the building.  You know, the building I wasn't in for once.  Free coffee, free ice cream, free cake; my e-mail cataloged the delight of the day for each day that I was away.  As a small consolation, however, there was a red, plastic, network anniversary commemorative cup waiting for me on my desk this morning.  And another e-mail in the midst of the daily treats one that asked all employees building-wide to please stop watering/dumping out plants in the bathroom sinks.  So at least I know it wasn't all fun while I was away.  (Incidentally- Doesn't everyone just get succulents and then never water them and then say that they're surprised when the plants die?  I can't be alone in this charade.)

Then this afternoon we had a long meeting where we all heard about doing better at stuff.  Where's my job where the assignment that we all have to do better at is longing to be back on a beers-before-noon-style vacation?  That I'm very good at.  Very.