The Itchy and Scratchy Show

From an unnamed university in the greater San Francisco Bay Area...

K and I have both recently mentioned my ability to tan easily. It's one of the few genetic gifts I've received. I mean, I know I'm very lucky to have a healthy body, but I don't have like naturally long legs or poreless skin or what have you. I've got my ability to tan and my long fingernails working for me, and against me I have greasy hair, big ole' feet, and blood that mosquitoes love.

Yes, I am a mosquito magnet. If one is around, it will bite me. After a week of camp in high school, a girl in my cabin was complaining about her 13 mosquito bites. I did a quick tally of my own body and replied "bitch, please, I have 13 bites on my left arm." It was true. I had 57 altogether, including four on my face.

That was my worst case ever, and while this weekend in Yosemite wasn't that bad, I still have about 8 large visible bites on my arms, 4 on my legs, and two huge ones at the bottom of my neck. I didn't want everyone at my office to make a big fuss over how eaten alive I was, so yesterday I wore a sweater and jeans to work to cover up all my owies and suffer in silence. However, yesterday was crazy hot and I was pretty uncomfortable in my cold-weather outfit. So today I decided to deal with the comments and come to work in a sundress.

I walked into my office (after voting, of course!), shoulders, arms, and legs bared, and braced myself for the barrage of concerned comments I was sure were coming my way.

"Hi, S!"
"Cute dress. It goes well with your 'I Voted' sticker."
"You left your water bottle here yesterday."

All the fussing, all the "oh, you poor thing" type comments, all the motherly admonishing about bug spray I was expecting....none of it came. No one has said anything. I've even done some melodramatic scratching to draw attention to my plight, but nada.

I've decided their lack of response must be due to their knowledge that I am not the type of person who likes to attract attention or sympathy, and not to due to a genuine lack of interest in me and my itchy burden. Right?