Full Bodied

From an unnamed production office for an undisclosed television show in an address-withheld building in LA where the elevators are shockingly slow...

 

Well look who got some little arms and legs and other stuff today!  Wax cheese person did!  With just one more Babel cheese round, I was able to really put together a nice little desk tchotchke.  It was also a great project in that I could have an appropriate screen up on my computer (as in something that relates to my job) while still not paying it any attention.  This was useful because here's something stupid I've been doing lately: When I have a window open on my computer for my Scrabble game or Facebook or Old Navy (girl's gotta get a swimsuit, am I right?) and someone comes up behind me, I jump in my seat and- as they watch- pull up a work-related window.  I do this as if the person has either lost their power of sight, or could somehow be convinced to believe that everyone keeps up a decoy window and their real focus is on the minimized one.  This is ridiculous.  I cannot stop doing it.

Another trick I've been pulling that is fooling no one but... no one... is that I hold my purse low by my side- instead of putting it over my shoulder- to be less conspicuous when I'm sneaking out of the office early.  This would make sense if my coworkers were unable to look down, or if a reasonable thought pattern was: "Oh- It's only 5:30.  Is Katie leaving this early?  She's headed towards the elevator and her computer is shut down, but no... no... She's holding her purse down low which means she's not really holding it.  It's not over her shoulder, so it isn't her real purse and she isn't carrying it in earnest.  She must just be walking somewhere to work harder."  That is not reasonable at all.  Unlike Wax Cheese person.  

Mission Unnoticed

From an unnamed production office for an undisclosed television show in an address-withheld building in LA where the elevators are shockingly slow...

Today is a big day around my office.  We shoot our show on Thursdays, and that means that everyone is assigned more tasks/tasks that are actually pressing.  It will, however, shock me if we are able to successfully make a TV show mere hours from now for one big reason:  Against all edicts, office policy, and team-workiness... I left the building today for an hour and a half.  We are discouraged from leaving even for lunch on a slow day, but today- on the day of busy days- I had an appointment that I had to make and- without permission- I went for it. 

I thought up a cover story for if I was seen on my way out, holding my purse, and closing in on the elevator.  "Oh," I would say, "I'm just running across the street to Baja Fresh for pick up.  I'll be back in five minutes."  Genius.

I worked out a cover story for if someone got in the elevator with me and saw that I had pressed the button for the parking level.  "Oh," I would say, "I forgot my phone in my car.  Just going down to grab it.  I'll be back in two minutes."  Inspired.

I slaved over a cover story for if I was seen exiting from/returning to the parking garage, essentially caught red-handed.  "Oh," I would say, probably sniffling or hunching my posture awkwardly, "I had to go pick up a prescription.  I'll be back/it only took ten minutes."  Fool proof.

All that planning, all that tangled web-weaving, all those nerves racing... I used none of those excuses.  And not because I cleverly avoided high traffic corridors or wore a clever disguise; not because I was able to geniusly conduct all business from/erase all traces of using my iPhone.  No.  I was not called upon to use any of these excuses and have my lying pants burst into flame because no one noticed.  Not even a little.  So what a relief!  What a victory!  What a devastating commentary on my zero-impact totally-expendable-contribution to this production!  At least there are free cupcakes today.  I would eat all of them, but their absence would not go unnoticed.