Blursday

From an unnamed production office for an undisclosed television show in an address-withheld building in LA where the elevators are shockingly slow...

I didn't get to post anything yesterday, but not for lack of desire.  It was for lack of a minute to call my own, but while I didn't get to blog, here are some things that I did get to do:

- Sit in a dark editing bay for 5 hours "supervising" an editor who is completely self-sufficient and knows exactly what he is doing.  I do not know what he is doing...Which makes it hard for me to supervise.

- Play games on my iPhone, really the only option while sitting in a dark room with no real work to do.

- Learn, after my iPhone ran out of battery power, that the computer in that editing bay (which my coworker was using for actual work or something, because it's not enough to have one of us with no clue sit there and watch the editor do whatever it is he does, but instead two of us are required) is too old to charge an iPhone.

- Sit and stare into the dark.

- Eat my dinner that had gotten cold as I sat in the dark in under two minutes before I had to go sit in the dark some more while we taped our show.

I mean, I guess I could have written something at 11:30 p.m. when we finished up, but then I would have had to put in for all that overtime.  So instead I cut a few cupcakes on the community table in half to find the one I wanted to take home, and just called it a night.

Sound Mind in a Sound Body

From an unnamed university in the greater San Francisco Bay Area...

Officemate just came from the dentist and is in a cheery mood. She loves her dentist. She loves her hygienist. Apparently, no one in her office ever chastises her for not flossing, even though she does not floss. This is a revelation to me. I, too, do not floss, though I often go through spurts of flossing, often when I have a dental appointment coming up, because I know my hygienist will give me shit about it when I get there. This floored Officemate.

"They can't chastise you; it's your mouth. If you took perfect care of your teeth all the time, their jobs wouldn't exist."

That's right, snooty hygienists! You livelihood depends on people fucking up their teeth so leave me the hell alone. I'm always trying to eat better, I exercise regularly, I'm recycling and composting as best I can, something has to fall by the wayside. I've been told that genetics don't really have my back when it comes to oral health: I apparently have weak enamel and my teeth are very close together, a perfect storm of flaws for cavities. That being said, I have an electric toothbrush and I rinse with Listerine (well, Target brand Listerine). I don't drink soda or eat hard, chewy candies. I could be doing worse.

Come to think of it, my eye doctor's gotten my case for stuff too. Not just sleeping with my contacts in, which I've done for 15 years with no real consequences as far as I can find, but once he told me I looked too tan. My annual appointments are in August; when I am probably at my tannest, and I am also of Croatian descent and am naturally darker and tan more easily than my Scandinavian/Western European counterparts. I didn't tell him that he looked too fat when I saw them, though he totally did.

Reader(s), do your doctors get on your case for stuff? If so, what? And remember Officemate's words: it's your body, get them to leave you the hell alone. I'm not advocating for heavy smoking and unprotected sex here, but I don't think anyone, including doctors, can lead the Spartan existence apparently necessary for perfect health. Wake up, eat fruit, lather self with sunscreen, run, have balanced meal, brush and floss, meditate, hydrate, farm own vegetables....oooh! Officemate just said there's cupcakes in the staff fridge! Later, fools!

Pro Tips

From an unnamed university in the greater San Francisco Bay Area...

At different times in my august career in higher education, I've joked about writing a book called "How Not to Piss Off College Admissions People". I don't think I actually have enough material to fill a whole a book, but I can definitely fill up 5 to 6 bullet points, thus the following:

• Do your research. Clearly, jobs like mine exist because getting into universities is hard and sometimes people need the help of trained experts. However, questions like "is your program good?" or "do you offer a degree?" are a waste of a person's time. Any self-respecting university has a website; spend a good 5 minutes looking around before interrupting someone in the middle of their work day activities (e.g. reheating Indian food/looking for funny podcasts/reading gossip blogs).
• Know which university you're calling/emailing. I've had people tell me they're writing because NYU/USC/Columbia is their "dream" school and when I write back to tell them that we are, in fact, none of these places, they're like, "oh yeah, well I want information about your program too." Not a great start.
  
• Don't insult the person you're talking to. Didn't get your last question answered? Don't get snotty with your admissions person. Write again and pretend like it's your fault you never heard back from me, and mention that you know how busy I must be, getting inane questions from dime-a-dozen jokers like you all day long, because you know who isn't going to be in the mood to help you? The person you just insinuated is bad at her job.
• If you are leaving a voicemail, leave your name, a 10 word or less reason for calling ("I have some questions about applying to your program") and clearly state your phone number. I hate listening to a message for 2 minutes where someone rambles on and on about their personal situation, then quickly spews out their phone number so that I have to replay the whole stupid message to get it all down, then I call the person back and they repeat the same damn thing verbatim.
• It never hurts to be nice. Beyond just not being a jerk, a quick email to say thanks can go a long way. I serve a dual admissions/student affairs role in my department and you can be sure I know which students are nice and appreciative and I am a hell of a lot more eager to help them out. I am even more eager to help the students who bring in baked goods.

Mission Unnoticed

From an unnamed production office for an undisclosed television show in an address-withheld building in LA where the elevators are shockingly slow...

Today is a big day around my office.  We shoot our show on Thursdays, and that means that everyone is assigned more tasks/tasks that are actually pressing.  It will, however, shock me if we are able to successfully make a TV show mere hours from now for one big reason:  Against all edicts, office policy, and team-workiness... I left the building today for an hour and a half.  We are discouraged from leaving even for lunch on a slow day, but today- on the day of busy days- I had an appointment that I had to make and- without permission- I went for it. 

I thought up a cover story for if I was seen on my way out, holding my purse, and closing in on the elevator.  "Oh," I would say, "I'm just running across the street to Baja Fresh for pick up.  I'll be back in five minutes."  Genius.

I worked out a cover story for if someone got in the elevator with me and saw that I had pressed the button for the parking level.  "Oh," I would say, "I forgot my phone in my car.  Just going down to grab it.  I'll be back in two minutes."  Inspired.

I slaved over a cover story for if I was seen exiting from/returning to the parking garage, essentially caught red-handed.  "Oh," I would say, probably sniffling or hunching my posture awkwardly, "I had to go pick up a prescription.  I'll be back/it only took ten minutes."  Fool proof.

All that planning, all that tangled web-weaving, all those nerves racing... I used none of those excuses.  And not because I cleverly avoided high traffic corridors or wore a clever disguise; not because I was able to geniusly conduct all business from/erase all traces of using my iPhone.  No.  I was not called upon to use any of these excuses and have my lying pants burst into flame because no one noticed.  Not even a little.  So what a relief!  What a victory!  What a devastating commentary on my zero-impact totally-expendable-contribution to this production!  At least there are free cupcakes today.  I would eat all of them, but their absence would not go unnoticed.