Status Update

From an unnamed university in the greater San Francisco Bay Area...

Quick Facebook check-in. Show of hands: working friends, who's pissed that it's Monday? Pathetic friends, who got soooo drunk last weekend? Bay Area friends, who still cannot believe that the weather is cold and overcast?

There are so few things I can count on in this world, but people posting the same kind of Facebook status updates on a Monday morning never lets me down. Let's anonymously mock some of my favorites, shall we?

Girl from my high school: Heading to work right now... Man what a crazy weekend... Happy Birthday SB I love you girl... We rocked it this weekend xoxo

Translation: My life isn't sad! Sure I'm almost 28 and probably still live with my parents and have completed like 18 credits at my local community college, but I like my life this way because I can go out and PARTY with all my BEST FRIENDS weekend after weekend...oh crap I'm late for my shift at Kohl's.

Friend's little sister: driving home from sf.. adam lambert blew my mind into a mess of glitter and strobe lights.. that man is beyond amazing, works his vocals to DEATH and his makeup is on point...I'm jealous :)

Translation: I have terrible taste in everything and don't believe in capitalizing.

Childhood friend/repeat FB oversharer: Why cant the person I heart ever heart me back!!?? How does this happen to everyone else??!! grrrrr ♥

Translation: I have no filter, the emotional maturity of a 15 year old, and probably need therapy.

I know you're probably wondering who slipped Extra Bitch into my coffee this morning, and you're justified. My boss is just bringing the suck SO BAD now that she's back that it's beyond frustrating. She took three days off last week because she was sick, came in late today and just started undoing everything we did this summer, complaining about every decision we made and generally just being the worst. Officemate and I have already contemplating getting drunk to make the day bearable and it's 11:30AM. Oh, and it's Monday and the sun isn't out.

Full Bodied

From an unnamed production office for an undisclosed television show in an address-withheld building in LA where the elevators are shockingly slow...

 

Well look who got some little arms and legs and other stuff today!  Wax cheese person did!  With just one more Babel cheese round, I was able to really put together a nice little desk tchotchke.  It was also a great project in that I could have an appropriate screen up on my computer (as in something that relates to my job) while still not paying it any attention.  This was useful because here's something stupid I've been doing lately: When I have a window open on my computer for my Scrabble game or Facebook or Old Navy (girl's gotta get a swimsuit, am I right?) and someone comes up behind me, I jump in my seat and- as they watch- pull up a work-related window.  I do this as if the person has either lost their power of sight, or could somehow be convinced to believe that everyone keeps up a decoy window and their real focus is on the minimized one.  This is ridiculous.  I cannot stop doing it.

Another trick I've been pulling that is fooling no one but... no one... is that I hold my purse low by my side- instead of putting it over my shoulder- to be less conspicuous when I'm sneaking out of the office early.  This would make sense if my coworkers were unable to look down, or if a reasonable thought pattern was: "Oh- It's only 5:30.  Is Katie leaving this early?  She's headed towards the elevator and her computer is shut down, but no... no... She's holding her purse down low which means she's not really holding it.  It's not over her shoulder, so it isn't her real purse and she isn't carrying it in earnest.  She must just be walking somewhere to work harder."  That is not reasonable at all.  Unlike Wax Cheese person.  

Multi-Taskmaster

From an unnamed production office for an undisclosed television show in an address-withheld building in LA where the elevators are shockingly slow...

 I feel as though I am really getting this week of to a good start as far as productivity.  Look at that picture right up there!  Look at all those tabs.  That means I'm doing stuff.  As I type this, I am listening to a show that I need to watch for work, G-Chatting with S, playing Scrabble with my coworker, thinking critical thoughts about something I just read on Facebook because please- there is no reason to talk about peeing on a stick and other such personal things on a social networking site, counting down to when I am allowed to eat my lunch in 29 minutes, wondering if people are thinking that my hair looks weird today because I put it in bun even though I've never put my hair in a bun before but I did today because it's raining and my hair already has little hope of looking nice but once there's moisture in the air just absolutely forget it, closing my eyes for mini-naps, wondering if anyone can tell that I have had this sweater since 2001... oops- I just took a quick break to show a coworker an album of pictures of my dog in its entirety... and now I'm back and also eavesdropping on my coworkers' conversation about some bad decisions that they made over the weekend.  This is what employers are talking about when they say that they want attention to detail and the ability to multi-task, right?  Man.  I really am under-using my talents here.

Update: I just read this back after I posted it, and thought to myself, "Wait- Haven't I written this post before with just a slight variation in the details?"  And yes, I have.  Because all of my days are just a slight variation on this post, an endless string of pointless activities to distract me from the grand pointless activity that is my job, and when I stop crying into my leftovers about it I'll try to at least come up with a new way to complain about it.

FACED!book

From an unnamed university in the greater San Francisco Bay Area...

One thing K and I love to do, at work or not, is make fun of people who put stupid stuff on their Facebook. Our friend from college recommends "a little more filter; a little less self-aggrandizing" to the general Facebook community, and we couldn't agree more.

In the interest of maintaining our friendships, I'm not going site anything or anyone specifically, but instead list my top 5 pet peeves and encourage K to do the same. Eventually, I'd like to create a Facebook Ten Commandments, because I'm so like Moses in many other ways.

Anyway, Top 5 Things That Bug Me the Most on Facebook:

1. Mentions of the day of the week and associated emotions, ie weekends good, Mondays bad. We all like the weekend people. We all look forward to it, and it always goes by too quickly. And furthermore, we're all pretty good at keeping track of the day of the week, so let's maybe chill out on the "It's Fridayyyyyyyy!" messages. Tell me what day it is in the lunar year or something.

2. Comments about the weather. You like the sun? You don't like snow? I am shocked.

3. Self-deprecating comments that are thinly-veiled bragging. Calling yourself a nerd for staying in on a Friday night to watch foreign films fools no one. You are very pleased with what an intellectual person of culture you are.

4. Notifications of death. Whether they're relatively expected (sick grandparent) or completely out of the blue (car accident), Facebook is not the place to grieve and out of respect for the dead, don't announce it to every person you've ever met.

5. Constant updates of mundane activities. Get a fucking Twitter already.