Bad Dream

From an unnamed production office for an undisclosed television show in an address-withheld building in LA where the elevators are shockingly slow...

 
There are a few things in this hard knock life that make me truly happy.  In an effort to streamline this post, I will ignore the ones- like my dog and Ben and Jerry's Phish Food- that don't relate to this particular story, and focus on two that came into direct painful conflict last night: My early bed time and bad television.  After a dumb day at work, I take great pleasure in relaxing with some insane Housewives or Top Models, and then turning the lights out before any Lettermans or Lenos get in the mix.  So imagine my profound dilemma last night when my friend L, who always comes over to watch The Bachelorette on Mondays, was running super late.  Like, we weren't even going to take off for Tahiti to meet up with Ali and the tooltestants until 10:30... P.M.!  But we had to do it.  In the end I thought it was the brave choice, and one that- even after a sleepy and yawning day- I do not regret.

What I do regret, however, is that my two office mates have now both seen "Inception," and spent all day playing this gong or drum or whatever the eff it is noise from the movie over and over for effect.  They played it while they told stories, and while they watched various muted commercials, and YouTube videos, and anything that they could find that they thought would look and sound funny with that dramatic percussive soundtrack.  And hey, I haven't seen the movie, so maybe that particular noise is super profound and I should shut up and drive straight to the movie theater and change, yes, my entire world view, but more specifically my feelings about a boom noise for minutes on end in my office on a day when all I want to do is sleep and, with my eyes peacefully closed, go back over the Bachelorette episode from last night to see if there weren't any clues I missed about how it all ends.  Although, if I were a betting woman, I'd put my money on me driving straight home, saying something cranky, and immediately passing out instead.

Elephants Do a Lot of Things Better Than I Do

From an unnamed production office for an undisclosed television show in an address-withheld building in LA where the elevators are shockingly slow...

I forgot to write a post yesterday.  Just plum forgot altogether until I paused the true crime show I was napping through to answer S's phone call so that we could chat about S'mores, and that somehow triggered the realization that I hadn't complained publicly about my gainful employment for more than 24 hours.

See, the miracle of yesterday was this: There is truly nothing to do at my office this week that we couldn't do next week.  We all came back from a shortened vacation for no reason that I can discern since we're not taping anything until next Thursday.  But, in a glorious turn of events, it seems as though the big boss actually realized how useless every single person's presence was yesterday, and at the end of a staff meeting at around 3:30, he said, "And if that's it then I suggest that you all get out of here as early as you possibly can today.  See ya."  Well from his lips to God's ears to my foot to the gas pedal.  Following that announcement I didn't even stick around long enough to even remember to eat the last of my snacks that I had put in the mini-fridge that morning.  My departure was that quick, my nap once I got home that freaking awesome, and my forgetfulness that deep in the face of being at my home in the daylight hours on a Wednesday.  And I would totally apologize.  If I felt bad about it. 

To Sleep, Perchance To Pzizz Part Deux

From an unnamed university in the greater San Francisco Bay Area...

There are few things I love more than napping. Once my boyfriend told me that running was as crucial to him as napping was to me and I almost broke up with him. Who loves exercise as much as sleeping? Crazy people.

So when I saw K's post "To Sleep, Perchance to Pzizz" I was intrigued. Could this Pzizz improve upon the already essentially perfect act of napping? YES. Yes, it could. I've Pzizzed by myself, and forced a 19-year-old workstudy to Pzizz along with me. "I felt like I was floating through a black abyss. It would have been scary, but I was too relaxed," she said. Yes, my child. I know.

So I was hooked. It had to be mine. It was...$60?!? Even with the 20% coupon you can get for filling out a quick questionnaire, that's still....money! Seriously, what's 20% of 60*? Whatever, it's more money than I have to blow on activity that's currently free. Now, the Pzizz samples are good, but apparently part of the magic of Pzizz is that you can customize it to the length of nap you wish to take, or use it to help you fall asleep at night, and unlike sleep aid CDs, Pzizz changes every time so your brain can't get used to it. So just playing the two sample tracks over and over again wouldn't be getting the job done. Plus, I wanted to be able to download Pzizz to my iPod for planes and BART.

Enter: the Pzizz iPhone app. $9.95 for the nap version; $9.95 for the sleep version. And it's already on my mobile device! I will never be awake again!

*I know 20% of 60 is 12 and that the new cost of the Pzizz would be $48. I do possess the math skills of a 4th grader, lest anyone be concerned. Sometimes K and I pretend to be dumber than we are for comedic effect. Sometimes, we're just as dumb as we claim to be.

Multi-Taskmaster

From an unnamed production office for an undisclosed television show in an address-withheld building in LA where the elevators are shockingly slow...

 I feel as though I am really getting this week of to a good start as far as productivity.  Look at that picture right up there!  Look at all those tabs.  That means I'm doing stuff.  As I type this, I am listening to a show that I need to watch for work, G-Chatting with S, playing Scrabble with my coworker, thinking critical thoughts about something I just read on Facebook because please- there is no reason to talk about peeing on a stick and other such personal things on a social networking site, counting down to when I am allowed to eat my lunch in 29 minutes, wondering if people are thinking that my hair looks weird today because I put it in bun even though I've never put my hair in a bun before but I did today because it's raining and my hair already has little hope of looking nice but once there's moisture in the air just absolutely forget it, closing my eyes for mini-naps, wondering if anyone can tell that I have had this sweater since 2001... oops- I just took a quick break to show a coworker an album of pictures of my dog in its entirety... and now I'm back and also eavesdropping on my coworkers' conversation about some bad decisions that they made over the weekend.  This is what employers are talking about when they say that they want attention to detail and the ability to multi-task, right?  Man.  I really am under-using my talents here.

Update: I just read this back after I posted it, and thought to myself, "Wait- Haven't I written this post before with just a slight variation in the details?"  And yes, I have.  Because all of my days are just a slight variation on this post, an endless string of pointless activities to distract me from the grand pointless activity that is my job, and when I stop crying into my leftovers about it I'll try to at least come up with a new way to complain about it.

To Sleep, Perchance to Pzizz

From an unnamed production office for an undisclosed television show in an address-withheld building in LA where the elevators are shockingly slow...

A pretty awesome trend has started in my immediate office this week: Napping!  I know it sounds difficult to actually fall asleep at work, and we really did used to struggle with it.  Last month, for example, after a weekend of 18 hour days working on a friend's movie, one of my coworkers crawled under his desk, hung a jacket in front of him, and put this decoy in his place:

But he couldn't quite relax on the hard ground and worried that- somehow- someone would on second glance realize that that was in fact a stuffed monkey at his desk and not a working human.

Enter: Pzizz.  If the catchy name doesn't at first tempt you, let me testify that the site is worth visiting if you want to be guided through the most awesome power nap of your life.  We Pzizz our day away at the first sign of anxiety, fatigue, or boring assignment.  Sometimes with headphones, sometimes through computer speakers for a community doze.  It's a revolution.  Look at this person, whom I don't even like:

He is Pzizzing!  And you can, too!  I'm not even being paid to write this except by the company that pays me to sit at this desk and do something else but instead I nap and write a blog!  But not by Pzizz!  No- For them I volunteer my services.  My hard-working services.

Leaving on a jet plane

From an unnamed university in the greater San Francisco Bay Area...

I'm back at work to get caught up on some administrative stuff I'm behind on without students and other folk to distract me with their "questions" and their "needs" all day. I'm really freaking tired though, and constantly second-guessing my promise to be in the office today. Why, you ask? Well last night I drove back to my place from my parents' house and brought my dad with me because he had an early flight to catch and I live much closer to the airport than he does.

He crashed on my futon and woke me up at the ripe ole hour of 4:00am to bring him to the airport. I dropped him off, came back home and went to sleep for another few hours and I've been dragging ever since, which I expected, but I'm a little bitter because of the phone conversation that took place around 8:30AM today.

Dad: Hey, are you awake?
S: Yes, my neighbors decided to start using loud power tools around 8:00 this morning.
Dad: I'm sorry. Guess where I am?
S: Denver?
Dad: Nope, [other local airport about 45 minutes from airport where I dropped him off].
S: Why?
Dad: My flight was canceled, so they put me on another flight leaving out of [other airport] that leaves at 3:00pm.
S: Hahaha, that's funny, because if your flight hadn't been canceled, and you were just originally on this flight, you wouldn't have needed me to drive to the wrong airport at 4:00am and I wouldn't be greasy-haired and barely awake at work today, getting nothing done on a day I had set aside to get things done! Hahahaha.
Dad: Riiiiight, well anyway, I'm in the United terminal, can you tell me what's good to eat here?
S: Yes. The Crab Pot. Great clam chowder.

And....scene! I know nothing that happened was my dad's fault, but I continue to feel bitter towards him, the relatives he's going to visit, and the airline industry as a whole for my sleepiness.

Day of rest

From an unnamed university in the greater San Francisco Bay Area...

HOW DID I NOT KNOW ABOUT THIS SOONER?

http://www.mahalo.com/napping-day

I need to find a place to go to sleep, like, now.

True story: back when I was an intern I knew of all the rooms with locked doors in my building where I could go for surreptitious naps. Once someone knocked on the door of a storage closet where I was catching up on some Z's and said "why is this locked?" I had a story all ready to go "well when I'm in here looking for binders on the bottom shelf, I'm always worried someone will open the door and smack me in the head, so I lock the door to make sure that doesn't happen." "Oh, that's funny, this guy I know used to go into storage closets and sleep." "Hahahaha he did?! He would SLEEP in a CLOSET? Hahahaha that is the CRAZIEST thing I have ever HEARD! Well I am just going to take these binders with me to the wheelchair accessible single-stall bathroom on the 7th floor for the next 20 minutes or so, I'll catch you later."