Do the Don't

From an unnamed university in the greater San Francisco Bay Area...

Our department is pretty small; we have just over 100 students total. About 10 of the recent graduates are around this summer working on a special project, and another handful are helping out with a workshop that we run during the times when the students aren't around. I know which ones are here and which aren't. Because of the admissions aspect of my job, I also know very well who our incoming students are. So I can say with complete certainty that the three douchebags talking outside my office are not our students and I hate them.

Don't get me wrong, sometimes I hate my students too. But in that "no one in picks on my little brother kind of way." They drive me crazy, but I will defend them if anyone dares attack. But I am silently praying to any and all dieties that someone come and attack these tools because they will not go away. Here are some of the things they're saying:

"I mean, I know TA'ing helps with costs, but I just really want to focus on my research, you know? I'm not getting a PhD to help the undergrads learn the basics." Okay, tool bag, guess what? You were an undergrad once! Your TAs found you to be an incredible nuisance to their lives, especially since I bet you were super-annoying to have in class. It sounds like you're a recent graduate, so stop acting all superior to people who just happen to be younger than you.

"I just really want to be able to say I got into Harvard you know? I mean, I got to Stanford, but that's like 'whatever, it's just the Harvard of the West.' Big deal." BARF.

I've tried walking by them looking super judgmental, and it shut them up briefly, but then they were right back to it. I tried playing our music really loud, but they just talked over it. Now I'm being incredibly silent to make them feel self-conscious because they know for sure that I am here.

OH HELL NO! I had to abandon this post to do stuff for my actual job and in the time I was away a student told me that the guys opened our student fridge and used the students' hot sauce! Aw no they didn't! Apparently she was hopped up on Mountain Dew (sidebar: I used to LOVE the Dew. Now it makes me twitchy. People in your early 20s, do the Dew while you still can. Except it's actually really gross) and decided to get all up in their faces and they properly dispersed. They were math students from a nearby building, apparently. Nerds.